Every week or so I go to one of the florists in old Ramallah and buy a bouquet of flowers for the house. For about 2-3 weeks, every time I go in to the store, the bouquets are kind of lifeless, and a somewhat ugly blend of nameless flowers. I've walked out several times empty handed and disappointed. I couldn't figure out what was going on until I passed by the store on a Friday, and saw the bridal cars lined up with people scrambling to decorate the hoods and trunks of the cars with elaborate rose bouquets. Throughout the Arab world, this is what they do for weddings - decorate the cars with flowers. So the mystery of what has happened to the choice flowers at my florist is now solved. Yes, wedding season has begun.
Engagement season has also now begun. Single Palestinian men of a certain age who spend the majority of their year working abroad to put their education and skills to work in countries with much lower unemployment rates - such as the Emirates and the States, will return to Palestine in the summer to begin a mating ritual. Prior to their arrival, the female family members will begin asking other family members, friends, neighbors, etc. for lists of eligible "good women" to match with their sons. The simple fact that these men have a visa or passport status in a foreign country gives them a considerable edge over their domestic counterparts. And, a woman can increase her eligibility status if she as well has a foreign passport. The men will spend their few precious vacation weeks meeting with the women on the family-authorized list. And when they find one who suits them, a quick engagement celebration will most likely be held before the men return to their jobs outside the country, and continue a virtual courtship from abroad until a wedding date is eventually set.
The significance of the engagement varies throughout the Arab world. It is on one hand a show of support on both the families part to this relationship. And thus, it is a sort of permission to "date" in a society where it is generally unacceptable for men and women to be together freely in mixed company. So from that point of view, it is perhaps less of a commitment than what we typically think of an engagement in American society. However, in some countries, the engagement is given such significance that the reputation of the girl and her family is ruined if an engagement is broken. The girl is astrocized to an extent equalling the humility wrought upon an Arab woman in divorce as well.
I have the fortune to have 3 wonderful girls working for me - they are bright, smart, eager, energetic, and just simply great people. One is married and the mother to a pair of twin children. The other two both informed me of their engagements this week. Neither of them seemed overly enthused when they made the announcements, but I chalked it up to their timidity in mixing their professional and personal roles, as neither of them had spoken to me previously about these men in their lives. I wanted to know all about them. Come to find out, there was not much to know.
In the first case, the girl is getting engaged to a man she's worked with previously and they've been talking to each other for a year. She's going to get engaged to him, but she openly admits that she is definitely not sure if he's "the one."
In the second case, my colleague is a US passport holder. She has most of my male colleagues continually shaking in their boots because she is so damn competent. She tells me that the reason I've heard nothing about this love of her life is that she just met him yesterday. He's in from Dubai, searching for a wife, and after a 2.5 hour conversation, they agreed to get engaged. "Oh, so this is one of those 'permission to date' engagements, right?" I ask, rationalizing it all to myself. After all, the way she's explained it, I'm about to lose my best staff member to Dubai at some undetermined future. She makes a grimace as if I suggested some unpleasant work task that must be done today and responds, "Kind of, except we're also planning a wedding, for next March." GASP!
As I try to recover my breath, I ask, "OK, so what is it about this guy that after 2.5 hours you know this is it?" "Well, lots of people had been suggesting we meet. He didn't want to meet me because he said he was not interested in a woman with Master's Degree but then....." Her monologue continues and I hear about 5% of it after that point because my ears are suddenly blasted with screaching and screaming bells and whistles warning her to "stop, stop, stop". But of course, I know vocalizing it all will do no good. So I shake my head in support, with my own rather unethusiastic grimace plastering my own face. In the 2.5 hour conversation, they've made all their plans for the future, and since they have the same vision of what they should be, the road ahead will be paved with roses. The best roses in Ramallah, I'm sure.
Engagement season has also now begun. Single Palestinian men of a certain age who spend the majority of their year working abroad to put their education and skills to work in countries with much lower unemployment rates - such as the Emirates and the States, will return to Palestine in the summer to begin a mating ritual. Prior to their arrival, the female family members will begin asking other family members, friends, neighbors, etc. for lists of eligible "good women" to match with their sons. The simple fact that these men have a visa or passport status in a foreign country gives them a considerable edge over their domestic counterparts. And, a woman can increase her eligibility status if she as well has a foreign passport. The men will spend their few precious vacation weeks meeting with the women on the family-authorized list. And when they find one who suits them, a quick engagement celebration will most likely be held before the men return to their jobs outside the country, and continue a virtual courtship from abroad until a wedding date is eventually set.
The significance of the engagement varies throughout the Arab world. It is on one hand a show of support on both the families part to this relationship. And thus, it is a sort of permission to "date" in a society where it is generally unacceptable for men and women to be together freely in mixed company. So from that point of view, it is perhaps less of a commitment than what we typically think of an engagement in American society. However, in some countries, the engagement is given such significance that the reputation of the girl and her family is ruined if an engagement is broken. The girl is astrocized to an extent equalling the humility wrought upon an Arab woman in divorce as well.
I have the fortune to have 3 wonderful girls working for me - they are bright, smart, eager, energetic, and just simply great people. One is married and the mother to a pair of twin children. The other two both informed me of their engagements this week. Neither of them seemed overly enthused when they made the announcements, but I chalked it up to their timidity in mixing their professional and personal roles, as neither of them had spoken to me previously about these men in their lives. I wanted to know all about them. Come to find out, there was not much to know.
In the first case, the girl is getting engaged to a man she's worked with previously and they've been talking to each other for a year. She's going to get engaged to him, but she openly admits that she is definitely not sure if he's "the one."
In the second case, my colleague is a US passport holder. She has most of my male colleagues continually shaking in their boots because she is so damn competent. She tells me that the reason I've heard nothing about this love of her life is that she just met him yesterday. He's in from Dubai, searching for a wife, and after a 2.5 hour conversation, they agreed to get engaged. "Oh, so this is one of those 'permission to date' engagements, right?" I ask, rationalizing it all to myself. After all, the way she's explained it, I'm about to lose my best staff member to Dubai at some undetermined future. She makes a grimace as if I suggested some unpleasant work task that must be done today and responds, "Kind of, except we're also planning a wedding, for next March." GASP!
As I try to recover my breath, I ask, "OK, so what is it about this guy that after 2.5 hours you know this is it?" "Well, lots of people had been suggesting we meet. He didn't want to meet me because he said he was not interested in a woman with Master's Degree but then....." Her monologue continues and I hear about 5% of it after that point because my ears are suddenly blasted with screaching and screaming bells and whistles warning her to "stop, stop, stop". But of course, I know vocalizing it all will do no good. So I shake my head in support, with my own rather unethusiastic grimace plastering my own face. In the 2.5 hour conversation, they've made all their plans for the future, and since they have the same vision of what they should be, the road ahead will be paved with roses. The best roses in Ramallah, I'm sure.
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