It can be frustrating many times over to communicate your needs in a place where not only do you struggle with the language, but where also the culture does not recognize you (either as a woman or a westerner), as having needs that are worthy of their own value. And so, getting myself listened to can be a time-consuming effort.
Recenlty, I went to the barber to get my son's haircut. While my son had his own particular ideas about what he wanted, and I had my own ideas, I thought I might be able to have success with hand gestures and what not. So I walked in and told the owner very clearly, "Short, but NO razor. Razor only on edges" (pointing and gesturing while using my son's head as a model). They of course nodded lots of "yes, yes"es in return, and I thought we'd be OK.
Then a young man walked out of a backroom, and began to cut my son's hair. There was some communication between him and the owner, so I figured all was communicated onward with no problems. The young man soon enough started taking the razor to my son's head. It was the back, so I clarified what I meant, but at that point figured no harm was done, and just told them to keep going with the razor on the back, but keep the top and front longer. Again, this was all done with a spattering of a few words in Arabic, and hand gestures.
When the young man got to the top of my son's head, he started chopping, and kept chopping, and chopping. I realized I was getting close to being in big trouble with my son. So, I asked the guy to stop, it was short enough. He waved me off with what I thought was a, "Ok, ok, just trimming a little more" gesture. And kept chopping and chopping. I started grumbling to myself, "Why, oh why is it so difficult to be listened to!!!" I thought I'd telepathically try to communicate my needs by giving him a hard stare behind his back. Then he made a quick turn around my son and I suddenly saw that he was wearing hearing aids in both ears. Now I was the fool.
I was being so sensitive to this issue based on recent experiences of both school and house hunting - everybody had their opinions, and were trying to convince me that their opinions were what I would feel most comfortable for myself. There was no recognition of, "Whatever will make you happy." In any case, I left the barber pretty happy with my son's haircut, he was unhappy....for a day, and then he decided it was cool!
Recenlty, I went to the barber to get my son's haircut. While my son had his own particular ideas about what he wanted, and I had my own ideas, I thought I might be able to have success with hand gestures and what not. So I walked in and told the owner very clearly, "Short, but NO razor. Razor only on edges" (pointing and gesturing while using my son's head as a model). They of course nodded lots of "yes, yes"es in return, and I thought we'd be OK.
Then a young man walked out of a backroom, and began to cut my son's hair. There was some communication between him and the owner, so I figured all was communicated onward with no problems. The young man soon enough started taking the razor to my son's head. It was the back, so I clarified what I meant, but at that point figured no harm was done, and just told them to keep going with the razor on the back, but keep the top and front longer. Again, this was all done with a spattering of a few words in Arabic, and hand gestures.
When the young man got to the top of my son's head, he started chopping, and kept chopping, and chopping. I realized I was getting close to being in big trouble with my son. So, I asked the guy to stop, it was short enough. He waved me off with what I thought was a, "Ok, ok, just trimming a little more" gesture. And kept chopping and chopping. I started grumbling to myself, "Why, oh why is it so difficult to be listened to!!!" I thought I'd telepathically try to communicate my needs by giving him a hard stare behind his back. Then he made a quick turn around my son and I suddenly saw that he was wearing hearing aids in both ears. Now I was the fool.
I was being so sensitive to this issue based on recent experiences of both school and house hunting - everybody had their opinions, and were trying to convince me that their opinions were what I would feel most comfortable for myself. There was no recognition of, "Whatever will make you happy." In any case, I left the barber pretty happy with my son's haircut, he was unhappy....for a day, and then he decided it was cool!
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