Rationalized Perspective

The first three-four months of this year were kind of crazy. I'm sure it was a mixture of everything at work, tear gas, cold, gray rainy winter days, etc. I was definitely desperately in need of the R&R I took in April. Decompression. I spent it in the company of family and friends, relaxing, watching mindless TV, and catching up on the more mundane, but significant developments of people's lives. And I drove - 2 trips back and forth between DC and Rochester, NY. It wasn't as bad as it sounds, it was somehow what I needed.

I had mixed feelings about returning. It would have been so nice to extend the vacation, just chill out. I didn't want to return. But the center of my life is now in Palestine - work, my home, my Now. My Present.

When I returned it took just two days to realize in complete clarity why it was difficult to come back. Life in the States is so.....Easy. Life overseas, in Palestine is so...frought with complications. Who wouldn't want things to be easy? Easy is....well...easy. Easy is predictable, easy is unnerving, and easy is sometimes boring.

But that's OK, I rationalized that making life feel easy here, in Palestine, is "just a matter of perspective." I can either tell myself that I am living as if in imprisoned "behind a wall" like everybody else. Or, I can tell myself that I'm chosing to live in a city that's just kind of like a suburb of Jerusalem. And geeze, its easy, if I want to go to the big city, I can just jump in my car.

With this new rationalized perspective, I also decided that I needed to go out and live my rationalized perspective. So, I decide I'm going to go out and enjoy this "country" just as I would as if I was in the States.

The weather turned suddenly hot here this week, and I really have zero tolerance for hot, dry climates. So I had this yearning for water. Within a 20-40 minute drive from Ramallah, there are several oasis, where underground rivers make temporary detours above ground. So, a friend and I make plans to take our 5 children to this oasis for the day which is just a "drive down the road."

As we're convoying our way out the driveway, my friend rolls down her window, "Hey, just so you know, we're going to drive through a Settlement to get there. Ok? Are you ok with that?" "Yeah, sure no problem!"

Fifteen minutes later, we pull of the main road, and drive up to a checkpoint/barrier. My friend explains to the guard that we're together, and we pull on through. So far so good...a little wierdness, but hey, I can still rationalize my newfound perspective, right? Kind of like I'm entering a "gated community".

We arrive at the park entrance which sits at a T intersection. Down the long part of the T a long line of West Bank cars is waiting to get in the Park, the driver of the lead car is out on the road waving his ID in his hand and arguing with the park ranger. We drive straight on through down to the oasis.

The crowd at the oasis is obviously mixed - Israelis of all sects, Palestinians of all sects. Everybody watches each other...closely....trying to identify each other? I'm not sure if its obvious who we are - two American women with 5 arabic-named children.

We spread out our picnic blanket on the bank of the river, and the kids jump into the water. Its really an enjoyable time. My friend keeps making these remarks about how the smell, the climate, the nature remind her exactly of California. I wonder if she is rationalizing all of this now.

After the kids climb out of the water and we've filled ourselves on labneh sandwhiches, the crowd is winding down and we start changing the kids out of their wet suits. A Jewish family appears around a bend in the path headed in our direction. In the lead is a young girl, maybe 13-15 years old. An age I think where a girl would "know better." She is stalking around us, but I don't think much of it, just figure she's waiting for her family to catch up. Suddenly, a tree branch lands squarely between myself and my friend's son whose shirt I am trying to pull over his head. I turn around, the girl shoots me a dirty look, and walks off.

My new rationalized perspective evaporates.

On the way back to Ramallah, I drive the boys along the 3km of Wall where "The Longest Letter" has recently been completed. (check out: http://www.sendamessage.nl/the-longest-letter/) I read the letter to them as I drive. This is not a place where justice reigns. I think its important the kids learn that.