Aha moments

Maybe its the Reiki meditation I've been doing lately, but yesterday I had two big "aha" moments.

The first one, while it sounds silly, was a voice that told myself, "Today, I don't have to save the world. Today, I don't have to solve all the problems of this world." I swear my shoulders dropped a good six inches. What the heck has been on my mind so much lately that I seriously think that I am in charge of saving the world.

The second one was actually slightly more significant and it went something like this, "Hey, I am not 100% responsible for my relationship with my boss! When is she going to realize that relationships are two way streets, will she ever?!" I realize I've been directing so much useless energy towards "making her happy" or "pleasing her" ..... this woman who told me that she expects "perfection" from me and nothing less. Perhaps this would be appropriate if I was a bank teller. But I am not a stepford employee, I am human. And I am not going to risk my health and my wonderful relationship for my son to strive to somehow win her praise of some performance expectation that is beyond my human reach. She also said this week that she wants all her staff working at 150% - surprising to believe that she just returned from a two week management/leadership training.

Both of these self-revelations have left me with a much less anxious internal dialogue. Decisions need to be made. Now is that time. And actions need to be taken. The time is coming.