Peace Unto You

The weather has turned cold here, and while I've certainly lived in much colder climates, the houses and buildings are so poorly built that they have no capacity to insulate against the outdoor temperatures. Some days I feel like I have a permanent chill in my bones. I finally figured out the heating system in my house, resulting in relative equilibrium in the temperature between the first and second floor of the apartment. But due to the absence of thermostats and the very high heating oil prices, I can only really run the heat for 3-4 hours per day – an hour in the morning and a few in the evening before bedtime. Flannel pjs and sheets, and extra blankets are de rigueur in this house during the winter. And otherwise, I've been trying to fill my body with warm teas and soups, and other ayurveda appropriate foods. After a month long hiatus, I got out my yoga mat to see if that would help build some heat as well especially to start my day in the chilly morning.

I didn't immediately realize how much my body needed that morning routine. True, something was off – not only was I suffering from the cold, but I was snapping at my son and colleagues, I was going to bed early and waking up in the middle of the night. I figured travel is quite disruptive so I just needed some time to re-adjust. Then on the third day of re-launching my yoga practice, I kicked up into a handstand and when I came back down, I felt this incredible calm and silence in my heart. I couldn't move, I did not want to move. The sense of peace was full.

When I was young, my favorite part of Sunday mass at the Catholic Church I attended with my family was the kiss of peace. Everybody would turn to their neighbors, shake hands and wish them, "Peace be with you." In saying this, I always imagined that peace was something that would come externally from a person, and settle onto their shoulders. And then all their worries would somehow disappear and they would be filled with peace. However, I realized recently that peace is not something that comes from the outside to "be with you." It is something that comes from the inside. It's an inner sense in which fear, worry, anger, sadness are not present. Peace is not something somebody can give you, or make for your, or even, I start to think "negotiate"?

A friend sent me a card a few years back with this quote on it, "Peace is not the absence of noise, trouble or hard work. It is to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." It is actually kind of nice not to be in the States at this time of year where the mad Christmas rush is all about noise, noise, noise. Here, Christmas can only be what you decide to make of it. The pace at work has slowed which is a nice change to what I experienced in October and November. Our Christmas tree is up, and my son eagerly jumps out of bed each morning to open one more door of his advent calendar to reveal some small piece of chocolate shaped into a seasonal object. I experience a small sense of joy in seeing that wondrous smile on his face every morning, even if the motivator is chocolate. In the evenings, we wrap ourselves into layers of blankets, sit on the couch in front of our Christmas tree and giggle our way through another children's book. Feigning the lagging of the flu I experienced when I returned from France, I convince him to read the book to me, and I feel such a sense of inner peace, that I start to giggle at the silliness of the children's story. The giggle is contagious and my son and I are soon wrapped in peals of laughter. When the book ends I realize that I feel warm, cozy and completely at peace.