Remaking or Remade?

We're in the midst of an office move again. I don't know if it's unique to the organization I work for, but over the past 5 years, I have averaged an office move every 6 months. A year ago I was put into this beautiful corner office which overlooks a flower garden. A few months back, my office mate resigned and I have since had the office space to myself. I find little ways each day to make it my own. I've played with the desk configuration and the window blinds. I have been rewarded by a wonderful, soft sunlight that hits the office at all hours of the day, which seems so important during these short, gray, rain-filled winter months. When the latest round of office moves was announced I was pleasantly surprised to see no change in my current office status. When one of my favorite colleagues came in yesterday morning asking me if I would consider changing offices so her three staff members could sit in one room, I didn't even have a moment to think before the answer flew out of my mouth, "No." Of course its sounds a little melodramatic to insist on keeping the office because of the sunlight, so I told her that I would not stand in the way or fight any decisions which were made to change this decision. Truth be told, I've managed to be productive in so many other office set-ups (including open cubicle space where 5 other colleagues would be talking simultaneously on overseas phone lines) that I can manage to find productivity in just about any space. But I'm not really mentally ready to re-make my office environment at this point.

I find there are several trends that seem to rear up in my life continuously as if they are presented to me as learning opportunities to improve some immeasurable life skill. The ability to face and manage change is certainly one of them. I feel that I've almost reached the level of Zen on that one – colleagues resign (check!), friends get sick (check!), people get divorced (check!). I think there is a bigger wave of change coming towards me on the horizon and I am trying to brace myself in anticipation; anticipation of some seasickness, a lot of discomfort, mixed with a good dose of anxiety, but to conclude with a greater sense of self and peace.

A friend I see not so often asked me for the second time in 2 years, "Do you ever consider that it is time to put some effort into remaking your life since the divorce?" The first time, I thought I misheard her and just kind of mumbled some (probably joking) reply. This most recent time she asked me, I stopped, took a deep breath, looked her straight in the eye and said, "That is what I'm doing, I mean, what I've done." She didn't have much of a reply and I wasn't sure if we were on the same planet.

Maybe it is my own selfish self-reflection, but the energy and effort it took on my part (not to mention the help and support of so many people around me) to manage to continue to build my career, provide for my son, maintain custody of my son, maintain ownership and care of my house, and basically…LIVE….was no small feat in the ashes of the divorce. I already Remade my life in my mind. From friend's perspective, though, I think she sees my life as still "unmade" without a partner in my life to share it with. Funny how this is just the internal debate I have with myself on a daily basis. For somebody, albeit a friend, to express this verbally to me felt like a slap in the face. This whole, "I don't need a man in my life to consider it remade" thing had finally begun to ring true for me, and now I am back tracking to try to determine if this is just another learning opportunity that I have to re-face, or if in fact I need to completely re-visit this belief once again.

Can I not allow for some imperfect or undone or unfinished part of my life to exist without saying it is still a "remade" life? If I made my bed this morning, but there are still some wrinkles in the sheets, do I consider the bed unmade?